Elon Musk Outraged That Politician Dares to Enjoy Something That Isn’t Him
AUSTIN, TX — Billionaire and part-time meme enthusiast Elon Musk is absolutely fuming after former vice presidential hopeful Tim Walz had the audacity—the sheer gall—to celebrate something that didn’t directly benefit Musk.
“You have Tim Walz, who is a huge jerk, running around on stage with the Tesla stock price… where the stock price had gone in half and he was overjoyed,” Musk ranted in what many are calling a totally normal and rational response. “What an evil thing to do. What a creep. What a jerk. Like, who derives joy from that?”
Analysts were quick to point out that Musk himself has publicly mocked struggling companies, short sellers, and even entire nations’ birth rates, but this, this, was a step too far. “If there’s one thing Elon Musk cannot abide,” said one Wall Street insider, “it’s someone else laughing at financial misfortune. Unless, of course, he’s the one doing it.”
In a surprising twist, Walz, who previously had no idea he lived rent-free in Musk’s head, responded with a simple shrug. “I mean, I wasn’t even running around on stage,” he said. “But if I knew it would make him this mad, maybe I should’ve done a little victory dance.”
Meanwhile, Tesla investors, who have seen their portfolios shrink significantly, were unavailable for comment—most likely because they were busy searching for their lost net worth.
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