Coach Belichick Just Fired An Anthem Kneeler: ‘Not On My Field’ — Player Was Actually Tying His Shoe

Coach Belichick Just Fired An Anthem Kneeler: ‘Not On My Field’ — Player Was Actually Tying His Shoe

FOXBOROUGH, MA — In a stunning display of no-nonsense patriotism, legendary coach Bill Belichick reportedly fired a player mid-practice after spotting him kneeling during the national anthem — though sources later confirmed the player was merely tying his cleats.

Witnesses say Belichick, armed with a playbook in one hand and the Constitution in the other, pointed toward the locker room and shouted, “Not on my field!” before the confused player could even double-knot.

“I thought he dropped something,” said wide receiver Julian Benchwarmer, who also bent down briefly but was spared when he produced a flag-shaped sweat rag in time. “Coach has zero tolerance for bad optics. The man once cut a player for clapping off-beat during the anthem.”

Patriots management declined to comment but insiders suggest the team is now installing ‘kneel detection lasers’ to prevent future incidents, and the player has reportedly been hired by a rival team more concerned with touchdowns than shoe maintenance.