NFL Referees Disqualify 4 Players for Kneeling During Anthem: “Enough of This Woke Nonsense”
April 5, 2025 | Arlington, TX — In a bold attempt to restore “old-fashioned values” to America’s most concussion-prone pastime, NFL referees reportedly disqualified four players before kickoff on Sunday after they knelt during the national anthem, declaring, “We’ve had enough of this woke nonsense.”
The incident occurred moments before the Dallas Cowboys faced off against the Philadelphia Eagles. As the Star-Spangled Banner echoed through the stadium — with fireworks exploding and a bald eagle performing aerial flips — four players quietly knelt in protest of racial injustice, police brutality, and, reportedly, the price of chicken wings at stadiums.
Within seconds, referees blew their whistles and threw flags so aggressively that one almost concussed a cheerleader. Head referee Randy “Red White & Boom” McAllister took to the center of the field with a megaphone, declaring, “This is football, not a TED Talk. You kneel, you deal.”
Fans in the stadium gave a standing ovation — not necessarily for the refs, but because the nacho cheese cannon had just fired directly into Section 112.
“I didn’t fight in three Call of Duty lobbies just to see this,” yelled one Cowboys fan while adjusting his tactical beer helmet. “Let the boys play — but only if they’re standing upright with a hand on their chest and a tear in their eye.”
The NFL issued a vague post-game statement, saying, “While we support players’ right to express themselves, we also support referees’ right to have random emotional breakdowns during televised games.”
Critics were quick to respond, noting that the NFL continues to struggle with consistent policies. “So we have no problem with players getting flagged for excessive celebration, but peaceful protest? That’s the last straw?” said one commentator. “Also, we’re still cool with domestic abusers playing. Just checking.”
Meanwhile, league sources say next week’s pre-game ceremony will include a new addition: a 200-foot inflatable Constitution holding a Bud Light can, and an automated voice shouting “FREEDOM” every time someone blinks.
As for the four disqualified players, they’ve reportedly been traded to the CFL — or worse, the Jets.
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