Pro Soccer Hall of Fame Declines Megan Rapinoe Induction: “We Prefer Role Models Who Score Less and Smile More”
CANTON, OH — In a shocking move that has left the soccer world reeling, the Pro Soccer Hall of Fame has officially announced that Megan Rapinoe “won’t be considered” for induction, citing her status as a “terrible role model” who “cares too much about equal rights and not enough about keeping quiet.”
A spokesperson for the Hall, who spoke anonymously due to fear of being ratioed on Twitter, explained the decision: “We just feel that Hall of Famers should inspire people in a way that’s more… palatable. You know, like scoring fewer goals, smiling more, and standing in perfect silence during the national anthem. These are the values we cherish.”
Rapinoe, who has won two World Cups, an Olympic gold medal, a Ballon d’Or, and the eternal rage of people who prefer their athletes apolitical, responded to the snub with a signature smirk. “Oh no, what will I ever do with my career now that I won’t be enshrined in a Hall of Fame nobody even knew existed?” she said, juggling a soccer ball on one foot while signing a multimillion-dollar endorsement deal with her free hand.
Critics of the decision have pointed out that the Hall has inducted players with far less impressive résumés—many of whom have only managed to score in their own personal lives. However, supporters of the exclusion insist that Rapinoe’s outspoken nature is simply unacceptable. “We need role models who keep their opinions to themselves, like… well, we’ll get back to you on that,” said one Hall official.
Meanwhile, sources close to the committee have leaked that a new category—“Most Respectful Player Who Never Ruffled Feathers or Challenged Authority”—is being created for future inductees. Current frontrunners include a 1920s goalkeeper who never spoke during games and a cardboard cutout of an average male midfielder.
Despite the controversy, Rapinoe appears unfazed. “I’ll just put my World Cup medals in my own personal Hall of Fame,” she said, pointing to a trophy case so full that it has its own gravitational pull.
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